Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
