i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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