whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
