On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
