Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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