Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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