Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
foreskin is a definite game changer
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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