She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
