god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
