his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
