somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
