Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
