Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
