nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
