oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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