He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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