You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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