she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I deserve this hangover.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
