Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize