Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
