Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
