In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
