I can tuck mytits in my pants
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
