I got chris browned last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
