yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
