sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
