She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
