I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize