3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got chris browned last night
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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