He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
two words...techno handjob
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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