Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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