Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
