What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my shit smells like andre
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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