pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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