He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
