So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
