so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
