I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Say something about gay babies.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
