how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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