Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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