party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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