Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
