Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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