look no pants
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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