God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
