he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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