Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
