dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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