I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
