After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
