I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
