Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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