currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
