We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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