Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
