you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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