As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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