Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
