Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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