i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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