this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
