My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
