i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
