Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
