No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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