the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
