After last night, I could never be a politician.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
