I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
