living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
